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Christmas Edition


front cover by Rowel Friers

Mackie's Running Commentary published under the Title of

Mackie's Magazine

Volume 3   No. 11                                                      December 1943


Editorial Comment     -     Talking Shop     -     The Hardners A B C

Xmas at Dispersal "L"     -     Reply Please     -     The Girls of York Road

Conscience Guide you    -     Marvellous Men     -     Events of the Month

Ode to Our Charge Hands

The Discarded Love     -     Pictures & Personalities     -     Gather Round Girls

One Gauger to Another     -     The Doctor Says     -     Odds and Ends

To the Fore again     -     'B' Coy. 5th Batt. U.H.G.     -     The Horners Lament

Woodvale Wanderings     -     A.F.W.R.A.     -     X Press Delivery

Contributed Cartoons

Editorial Comment

     Dear Readers,  We always call you "Dear" readers, although you may by just one of the ordinary 'mugs' or 'suckers.'  No matter, accept the heartiest good wishes from the Editorial Staff for a Merry Christmas.  Although the tables no longer groan (as they did in the old novels) under the weight of provender we hope that your table will squeak a little;  and that you will enjoy a rest at this festive season of the year.  So! here's to you, who have helped us in the past year to put the Magazine across.  Don't be backward with the mistletoe, boys, go to it.

     During the year we have striven to be serious only in the Editorial;  and now Christmas comes round again and finds the world still at war, bear with us while we doff Christmas festivity and survey the year.

     Latterly the forces of Freedom have rallies, dealing embattled Tyranny a mighty blow, eliminating the junior Axis partner, who now pays a bitter price in war for her misguided policy.  Not yet has Italy proved to be more than a passive bystander.

     Our Russian Allies have made war - War against the Teuton, war such as he never dreamt of, on such a scale so vast, so swift, so terrible.  A chill wind from the East blows over the Balkans, a wind bearing the thunder of the guns, and the crash and fall of armies.

     Air Chief Marshall Sir Arthur Harris's grim promise of the autumn of 1942, that he would destroy the German cities one by one has been fulfilled in all its tremendous scope, the R.A.F. striking like the Wrath of God, eliminating the Nazi cities one by one.

     We look to 1944 to bring us great things, who knows, the collapse - into the pit from whence it sprang - of Nazi-ism.  When that happy day comes, we shall have our old Christmases back again, so let's make this a Merry Christmas and don't forget to make whoopee.

                                              Yours seasonably, The Editor

Talking Shop

     We would like to commence our feature this month by extending to the many men and women of our works, who are about to plunge into the sea of matrimony, our heartiest congratulations and good wishes.  We know at Christmas, wedding bells get more to do than at any other time, and as we do not get information regarding all our Workers we trust this will be accepted by all such as referring to them.

     Great amusement was caused by the action of a certain person in the A/C, who being stationed in the new type of cubicle (which is solid brick for four feet, then the top part being wire mesh). was seen continuously slamming the door after the workers went out.  Was his object to keep out the draught, or was it to prevent his "hair" from being disarranged?

     Congratulations to Tommy Blair, A/C 1, on the occasion of his marriage to Miss Betty Hamill on Nov. 3rd.  Good Luck

     Will the Gridley Gauger of S.H. 1, please let us into the secret of how she can travel on the tram for a halfpenny fare. Come Ena, be a sport.

     Who was the Shell clerk who lured the young lady to the Balcony of the Ulster Hall, during the recent Welfare Dance. He must have been a "Masterman."

     What attracts a young fitter from S.E. Dept. to the A/C.  Perhaps Nat. could help us?  Who is the cowboy of the Hackling Dept.  Perhaps the Foreman could help us?  What is the attraction for "Comber" on the Falls Trolley Bus?  Perhaps Mary could help us?  What young lady in Dept. 13 has developed a liking for fish and chips and why?  Perhaps Francis could tell us?  Impatience in the A.P. Paint Spray.  Is it to be Lily or Annie?  Perhaps Bunty could help us?  Has the blonde waitress on the night shift found the target with her bow and arrow?  Perhaps Tony the Engineer could help us?

     Who is the young man of A/C 2 who has been seen assisting the young ladies of the Fitting Benches with their embroidery?  "In and out, in and out," says the Taylor.  Watch your fingers - Andy.

     Who is the young man who attracts a continuous stream of admirers from the Mechanical Costs to the Creditors A/cs. Section?  Keep it up John, and "Eve" may turn up yet.

     Competition is keen 'twixt Isobel and Gladys for hand of certain electrician.  The Wages Office say Gladys has won first round.  Watch for round 2, and by the way Jim, what's this we hear about A.T.S. girls?  Has Isobel nothing to say about it?

     Congratulations to Miss Rose Taggart, S.H. 4 on her engagement to My Bill Foster of Gallaghers Ltd.  Also to Miss Rhoda Patty, F.B., on the occasion of her marriage to Mr. Ken Micho, U.S. Army.

     We regret very much to learn that our esteemed friend and clerk, Davy, from S.H. 1 has given up dancing, and just when he and his partner were making such progress.  Is it because winter is coming in?  Or has the twinkle gone from his feet into his eyes.  We wonder, because, "Davy does dance delightfully."

     We have been requested by Miss Lily Lowe to thank the many friends who sent floral tributes and expressions of sympathy to her, on the death of her mother.

     Workers in S.H. Paint Spray are anxious to know when Dicky is going to do a man's job.  They suggest for him to try a class of knitting.  What about it, Dicky?

     An effort from a budding Poet has reached us, so here it is.

Our Wages Department, is a pitiful sight
As the females they gabble by day and by night.
"Big Lil" is the leader, her tongue does not rest
She talks of the Yanks, and declares they're the best.
But "Ginger," poor thing, was once heard to declare
"No, Irish for me" and put her head in the air.
We've watched Isobel, who has got quite a flair
Thro' sighing for "Davy" with the light brown hair.
Of course then, there's Nancy, heart carried away
By the "Wop" whose laughter is heard every day.
Not forgetting our Kitty, ever talking of course
To Constable Sweeney, Downpatrick Police Force.
These glamorous creatures did nature create
Get most of their beauty from powder and paint.
So be not too jealous, my hard working friend
Of "suckers" whose money, these girls help to spend.

     We hear of a big Scotch party on New Year's Night.  Any invitations going Mrs. McB.?

     Who is the Mrs. McNeese of the A/C 2?

     We trust we are in order in offering our congratulations to Mr. J. Neill of Wolfhill on his engagement to Miss M. McCreedy, formerly of Docket Office, but, the boys are still "Hopin'" for a treat.

     The many friends of Arthur Campbell, "Do All" King of A/C Fame will regret his leaving the Firm.  His many impersonations will be sadly missed at our mid-day Concerts.  Wishing "Darkey" all the best.

     In answer to Winnie of A/C 1 Dept.  No Mabel was not playing "Hunt the Slipper," but hunt the "heel" and did she enjoy it?  Nuff said.

     Who was the draughtsman who thought Cos X, was the name of a Russian soldier, how about it B?

     Outstanding amongst the Christmas rush is Sammy (Rubber Cheque) Leslie of A.P. 4. whose letter to us we quote in full:-

          Sir - I am bringing to your notice the fact that I am about to be married at Xmas (25th Dec.) and I hear that you have a Fund to reimburse those who are regular readers on the occasion of their marriage.  Hoping you will consider this, my application. Yours, Sammy Leslie

     NO Sammy, we have not any Fund but we will most certainly attend your wedding, along with all the other folk in the canteen who you so generously invited.

Reply Please!

Oh, Barney, your blarney you think it is hot, so now we're putting you right on the spot
For writing things that are really not true this deed we'll surely make you to rue
Next time your mind begins to wander see that your mates you do not slander
Your bright ideas of verse and rhyme seem to us a serious crime
You think there is time just make a clean breast
As we'd like you to die with your sins all confessed
To die like a man and free from sin we would help the grave digger to tuck you in
And pray for you, but you won't know ii our dear, departed, and crazy poet.

The Girls of York Road

The girls of York Road, they're the pride of the town
For helping the war effort, they won't let you down
Their war work they tackle, they do all they can
In producing munitions they equal the man.
There's Lena the Gauger, the head of the class
Who keep her chin up and sticks to her task
The Gaugers and Fliers are only a few.
Of the Girls of Old Ulster who prove what they can do.
Not forgetting Jean Wilson and Annie Boyce, too
Whatever the job they always come thro'
Now there's Mary and Mabel and Maisie and Ann
They may not be Angels but they do all they can.
They keep on the Filing to finish the Shell
For Monty to smash old Hitler to H--L
There's Billy the Foreman, and brave Harry as well
For commanding the shop them none could excel.
Two boys from the Braid Town there is Jimmy and Tom
They know their job well, and they just carry on
They all work together, to feed all the guns
To bring the boys home, when they conquer the Hun.

A Foundry Sensation

     A beautiful blonde arrived at the Foundry the other day.  Immediately Jimmy McEvoy saw her, he pushed P. Wee aside and "weighed" her up - she was promptly sent to the "Mag" beauty of last month, Jack Shilliday.  "I will soon mould her" said he, taking her to the sand.  When he was finished he introduced her to Jack McCandless:  "I'll blast her" but she needs a little hardening, so she went to Harry Campbell because of the temper.
     After Harry had the heat on, she was pushed over to Davy Higgin to give her a night cap but as he was off the night-shift he had no time.  So there was nothing left but to send for Jack Clarke who, when he heard she was demoralised got Harry "Gripping" her tightly by the hand to take her to paint spray.  When she returned to the Foundry office Billy Jordan wanted to know if she was "booked" but with a face like brass from Tommy Murphy, she said she wanted the A.C.

Shortest Ghost Story Ever

     Two men were sitting in a train going at speed, reading, one a newspaper, one a volume of ghost stories.   Presently the ghost story reader flung his book down and said to his companion.  "Ghost stories are all bunk - I don't believe in ghosts."  "Don't you," said his companion - and vanished.

Letters from the Forces
H.Q. Coy. 2nd Batt. Rifle Brigade, M.E.F.

     Dear Sir, I wish to thank the Staff and Workers for the great kindness they have shown to me.  I can assure you we lads in the Forces appreciate the Parcels, the contents of which are very acceptable.  I must thank all who make the Magazine so interesting.  Well, speaking of the Magazine I have another Shankill Road lad here with me and I an assure you we look forward to receiving the Magazine to have the news of the old Firm.  I would like if you would remember me to Jack McCluskey and all the old hands of the Gill Shop.  Sorry there's not much to write about, and as it is nearing Christmas I will take the opportunity of wishing you a Merry Christmas and may 1944 be a bright, happy and peaceful year for us all.
                    Yours sincerely, Rfm. S. Nellins, 6974924

Events of the Month

     First, of course, last month was the beauty Contest, and we congratulate the winners on their success.  Incidentally we believe that the run to Dispersal "L" has been very popular since the Dispersal captured the first and second places in the contest.  "The Works" Military Band ran their second show in the Works' Canteen and presented a varied and amusing programme.  We hardly recognise in the resplendent beings on the platform ensconced behind a yard or two of brass as our workmates.  A prominent member of the Cost Office made his stage debut in this show, and demonstrated that in some things, the Cost Office technique cannot be bettered.  Isn't that so, Jimmy?

"Celebrating Social" at Dispersal "L"

     A very nice gesture was made by the workers in giving a social evening in honour of the recent winners of the Beauty Contest held in the Ulster Hall.  After tea, which reminded us of pre-war days, the festivities commenced.  We had dances, songs and games which were enjoyed by everyone with gusto.  Phyllis was so well attended by the Air Force that even "Spark Pim" failed to make a "contact."  "Spitfire" gave a "Tauber" performance of "Eileen O'Grady" and "Winnie" also obliged with a couple of songs.  Mr. T. Murphy then made presentations to the winners of the Beauty Contest and for the first time (I'm sure) these girls were lost for words.  Dispersal "L" should well be proud of its feat by supplying the first and second prize-winners.  By the way, the Editor would like to know what "Supernatural powers" "Romeo" exercises over the female sex.

It's All Tripe!

     Our Bought Goods Stores hold many things, almost any article you care to mention may be found there, specifically excluding of course such items as appeared in the Arabian Nights, ie., Persian Rugs, Pearls of Ormuz, and Diamonds of Golconda.  No, we do not stock any of these.  We had something, rarer, something intangible, something that could not be seen (although opinions differ on this), but was just there.  The Presence in the Stores made itself known to everyone.  In brief, dear reader, there was a SMELL in the Stores.
     It wasn't a "pong" or a "tang" it was just plain undiluted smell.  It was a very King of Stinks, and it waxed stronger ad stronger hour by hour.  One by one the Stores staff evacuated their positions under the creeping barrage and fell back to prepared positions in the rear.  The situation grew worse, so a specially trained and equipped force of plumbers led by the Air Marshall was flung into the fray.  Some would have flung themselves out again, but for their excellent morale.
     This strong force began a systematic comb-out in an effort to trace down the enemy pong-point.  Every possible kind of drainage was overhauled, and still no luck.  Wave after wave of the smell rolled through the building by now it was nearly visible.  But as the poet hath it, inspiration comes in the stilly watches of the night, and so it came to the task force of plumbers.
     While coursing mute - like baffled bloodhounds - at about 2 o'clock in the morning, the leader raised a cry of joy; "I have it," he said.  Whereupon the little band drew close to their leader, and in solid formation charged into the very thick of the odour.  They discovered that the cause of the trouble in a bin, alone and forgotten these three weeks - one pound of tripe.

Great Stampede

The Hooter blows, the doors swing wide
The rush for food is on
Like hungry cattle on the run
The great Stampede is on.
Woe betide all you pour souls
Should you fall by the way
For you can rest quite content
It would be your judgment Day.
No mercy will be shown to you
Should you just hesitate
For down you'll go - and sudden death
Will certainly be your fate.
So take a tip and stay behind
The tea will not go wrong
For after all you will agree
It's not so very strong

The Hardners A B C

A stands for Alan
H stands for Hayes
He gets abut his work
Like a racehorse at the Maze.

stands for Bobbie,
D stands for Duff
The work that he is doing
He says the going's tough.

stands for Charlie
K stands for Kerr
Any night at eight o'clock
He's sometimes worse for wear.

stands for David
Tinsley is his surname
But if his quencher is not right
The fitters he will blame.

E  stands for Edward
Mc for McIlroy
He plays with the big shot
Like a child would do with a toy

F H  stands for Fred Henry
A furnace man of fame
But to other workers in the shop
He is known by another name.

stands for George
But we have not got one here
So you can send us one along
If you have got one near.

H C  stands for Harry Campbell
A foreman you know well
To everyone that knows of him
They say that he is swell.

I F  stands for Isaac Fulton
A furnace man of note
But Isaac's greatest worry
Is about the Celtic TOTE.

J L  stands for Jack Leckey
A boxing fan of fame
He is always boasting of a man
And Armour is his name.

K I  stands for Kathleen Ingram
A short time ago she fled
But the reason now we all know
She is going to be wed.

L Mc  stands for Leslie McConnel
That is his proper name
But some just call him Punter
And he answers just the same.

Now if you want to see
A trio called "We Three"
You will find them at the Fitter's bench
Jimmy, Charlie and Me.


Xmas at Dispersal "L"

     Preparations are in full swing here to provide a Xmas treat for 150 school children up to ten years old, selected from the various Schools in the locality.  The suggestion was put forward by the "Great White Chief" Tommy Murphy at out Celebration Social.  Following the lead given, we got going into ways and means. We started off with a "Tarpaulin Muster" for funds and what have you?  Enthusiasm is running high, and the response has been amazing, help coming in from the most unexpected quarters.

     The male element are rendering yeoman service in making toys and repairing others that have been brought in.  Whilst dolls, games, etc. are still rolling in, we hope to provide each child with a substantial toy, plus a Tea and Xmas Entertainment.  A number of wooden horses have been constructed and the painting of these has given vent to the artistic urge that has been apparently lying dormant.  No Red Indian Chief ever had a Piebald Pony arrayed like one of these. The colour schemes have to be seen to be believed.

     Since the party will be thrown after these notes have gone to Press, a full account of the proceedings will be given in our January Number.  This is our first effort along these lines and we are trying to make it a huge success.

     Hearty congratulations to G. Smyth (A.I.D.) on his engagement to Miss Muriel Mills (Dispersal "L" Office)

Australia Versus America

     The "Aussies" gain is the "Yanks" loss.  Tell us, Winnie, was it his Red Head, or just his cute little Nose, maybe just his eyes glistening like the "Southern Cross/"


     Say, Isobel, what do you Know?  Wasn't that our "Small Dark Man" we saw escorting you to the Dressmakers.  Why!  You might have lost him in the Black-out.

That's My Story, or is it?

     Come, Come Tommy give us the low down.  Do you really visit Lisburn to see a Show, quite sure it wasn't that dainty wee "Red-head" Nan, you'd be seeing.  There's only seven days and nights in one week.  Tommy, we agree, but still it takes a lot of swallowing.

"Salad" (Heart-Throb V's Cupboard Love)

     We have two very curious young ladies in this Factory, who are wondering, if Tommy and Jimmy will miss them, or their Apple Pie.  Since the "Bhoys" were translated to the Lower Shop Dame Rumour has it, that Tommy, or was it Jimmy, who was heard singing that popular song.   "I miss your Apple Pie"

Bus Conductor Suffers Severe Shock

     You have no idea how keen our Girls are to be in early.  Just how keen, thereby hangs a tale.
............Minnie dashed for the 'bus the other morning - and got it.  The 'bus sailed on, bearing Minnie as a Passenger.  She held out her hand to the Conductor, who strangely enough, just stared, did he see Cash being proffered, he did not, but only a hand full of curling pins, that Minnie had grabbed in her haste.  P.S. Conductor is expected to recover.

Fire-Watchers Return Match

     This took place in our Canteen, between our Darts Team and A.R.P. Post 237.  Mr. Fred Allen acted as M.C. and Umpire.  The play was a study in contrasting styles.  The way the darts were thrown gave me the impression that armour piercing bullets were being used, so firmly were they planted into the Target Area.  Eileen Dewey amongst many others was in really good form.  Some of the matches were needle contests in suspense.  They say that "the Lord tempers the wind in the shorn lamb,"  I don't know about that, better ask the "Boys,"  they lost again, strangely enough, by precisely the same score as the previous Match 12 games to 3.  These matches with the A.R.P. Post have become a popular item on our Programme, and we hope that they may long continue.  Tea was provided and a short social evening followed, rounding off a very enjoyable evening.

Always let your Conscience be your Guide

     Have you ever heard of this conscience business?  You know what I mean - the sort of inner prompting which says - do this and yells - No! when that nice little blonde in green smiles at you.   Well, stand back and get an earful.  You are about to see in cold print a verbatim account of Me, My Better Self (hereafter known as B.S.) and my Wicked Self (also known as W.S.)
     The first time I became aware of my triple identity was when wandering around town at a loose end one evening. Wander here, wander there, and naturally you end up in front of a swing door with "Bar" on it.  Me - that is the writer - was turning over in my mind whether to have a quick one or a quick two when B.S. and W.S. appeared.  One on the right and one on the left.  W.S. (Wicked Self) was unshaved, wore a disreputable pair of flannels and a regrettably loud sports coat and a panchromatic tie.  He reeled a little.
     Better Self was in an irreproachable lounge suit, white shirt and carefully chosen tie, was clean-shaven and freshly washed.  Wicked Self got in first.  "Come on in, Pal" said he, "You've a thirst that should be photographed."  "Stay!"  said Better Self, "Don't go into that place - drink is the ruin of the working class."
     "Away and chase yourself!" growled Wicked Self, "work is the ruin of the drinking classes. Come on dogsbody."  So in went Me, W.S. and much against his will - B.S.  Now of course W.S. was in his element.  When I had knocked back a noggin he fairly glowed.  Better Self looked sorrowful and shuddered.  Well, it was a wet evening - Wicked Self got more masterful and Better Self was reduced to clicking his tongue sorrowfully.  But even that better half of one's conscience has its limits, and this limit was reached about the seventh or ninth pint of wallop - I know it was an odd number anyway.
     It happened this way.   Better Self, in the intervals of tongue clicking and sipping lemonade glanced round the lounge.  His eye fell on a lonely little brunette, sitting in a shady corner, dabbing her eyes with a minute fragment of lace, obviously waiting for someone who hadn't turned up.  I must say this for Better Self, he's no dozer.  In the time it took for him to stand up he had the whole situation weighed up.  Adjusting his tie, he moved over on his mission of mercy - the wolf!
     Wicked Self and I were too busy swapping yarns to notice his absence - but after a very good effort we looked round for Better Self.  "Bet the dumb cluck's gone home for the night," said W.S. - Then standing up he looked round and delivered himself a choice phrase that made two sergeant-major's blush.  Quoth he, "I thought I was supposed to think up all the fun for you - look and see what that cissy Better Self is up to."  I looked - Oh most regrettable.
     Better Self was just removing a lipstick mark from his face, quite oblivious of one on his right cheek.  And he was clutching a double whiskey in his other hand.  He saw us looking and waved cheerily.  He and the gorgeous brunette arose, and sauntered out arm in arm.  Stunned, I looked at Wicked Self.  "You," said I, "are slipping - You couldn't even get Better Self to drink a beer or look at a dame. Now we're left here by ourselves and he's taken that marvellous piece of homework out for a walk.  You supposed to be my Wicked Self. Cha!  You're a fine specimen - in future I'll always listen to my Better Self. (Maybe that brunette has a sister)"
     Moral.  There probably isn't any, but you never know with conscience, do you?

Men, Marvellous Men

Now down in the Spindle Erection
There works the "cream of the firm"
And when the girls see those glamour boys
My but their hearts do yearn!
First there's Bobbie Porter
Who's just started to walk the right way
Well, Bobbie, just follow Sam's footsteps
And the rest can't lead you astray!
Then next there's "Apostle Baxter"
The heartbreak of the shop
Apostolic, backward, and quiet
Our opinion retained by 'yon' cop?
Now, Sammy, you know you ought not to
Have kept the young ladies out late
Twelve o'clock's a late hour to be singing
Now what excuse can you make.
The one that we're thinking of is Dundrum
Why won't he just follow the train
Please believe the "Apostle" Mr. Nesbitt and Bob
That the "Blackout" is not like its name.
And now as we turn to the lighter side
The next one you meet with is Joe
He's the peroxide blonde with the navy blue streak
And looks more like a school-boy, you know.
Now, Barney, we don't think Royal Avenue
Is quite the right place to court
Why didn't you wait till the blackout
We didn't think you were that sort!
The last but not least of these handsome lads
Is our Charlie Ballintine
February seventeenth's not his birthday
But we did say "Valentine."
Accompanied by his cousins
He's seen around a great deal
Perhaps that's why he broke the date
Please, Charles, we didn't mean to squeal.

Ode to Our Charge Hands

"Darkie" Irvine is his name
For Football betting he is famed
Then there is old Jimmy Brown
He's always walking up and down.
From early morning till eight at night
His coupons he must hold them tight
For all the walking that he does
He would be better wearing Clogs
And Jimmy Devlin is not so hot
When he won't let us in after six o'clock
As for Bertie Forsythe he's the best of the lot
He doesn't say much but we don't care a jot
I the rest of the Charge Hands would take his tip
Instead of shouting which gives us the "pip"
The Machines would roar till work is done
Sure we'd help to finish off the "Hun"
I'm sure dear folks, you've got a scare
But without all the "brown coats"
The Shop would look bare!
From Girl Machinists of A.C. 1 Shop

Guess Who?

He's known as the Lord Mayor of Lisburn, can anyone here guess his name?
When machinery breaks down in Mackie's this man is always fair game
He works at the end of the Foundry in a shop of greatest renown
He isn't a Foreman but then just the same a better man could not be found.


The Editor, Mackie's Magazine.

     Dear Editor,  I have to congratulate you on the new feature in the last issue of the Magazine, in the form of the deliberate mistake.  I have seen this feature in some Sunday papers and heard it on the wireless in the "Monday night at eight" programme, and although the originators of these programmes have done their best to envelop the mistakes in as much mystery as possible, I certainly think that you have beaten their record by printing the deliberate mistake without even telling your readers about it!
     However, as I said before, I thought the idea was very good, and I was glad that the little bit of Latin that I learned at school came in useful at last.  Because we were taught at school that "bis" was the Latin for "twice" and bi-centenary must therefore necessarily mean a celebration of 200 year's existence.  As Albert Foundry appears to have been transferred to its present site in 1893, I am afraid you will have to leave the word bi-centenary to the Editor who will be in charge in the year 2093, as I cannot hold reasonable hopes that you will be in a position to continue in your office to that year.  I must admit I got a bit stuck when it came to the question of finding the correct word for 50 years' celebration, but after some difficulties I was able to solve the puzzle with the aid of the dictionary which showed the correct word to be "Quinquagenary."  I am looking forward to the deliberate mistakes in your future issues.
                                                       Yours sincerely J.M.
          Even the wisest of us make mistakes picturesquely described as "bassets, now and again.  We have made a most gorgeous basset.  We blundered.  We fell - we are rolled in the mire.  We number amongst our readers men of erudition and learning who have pointed out to us in no uncertain terms our error.  We were abashed, humbled - we crawled into a hole with the "Oxford" Dictionary and burned much midnight oil - and find that - wait for it, mob - Bi-centenary is a two hundred year period.  The cat's out of the bag.  We bow in humble contrition and beat our breast in exculpation.  All we can say is - when we make a mistake there's no doubt about it.  Editor

The Discarded Love

He grabbed my slender neck
I could not yell or scream
He dragged me to a darkened room
Where we should not be seen.
He tore from me my flimsy wrap
And gazed upon my form
I was so cold and damp and scared
Whilst he was hot and warm.
His fevered lips he pressed to mine
I gave him every drop
He drained me of my very self
I could not make him stop.
He made me what I am to-day
That's why you'll find me here
A broken bottle thrown away
That once was full of beer. 
MORAL :- Many a chain of thought has proved to be a string of empties

"Secret Session"

In the "G" Shop, where mortals in ecstasy dwell
And workers of both sex do fraternize well
There's a trio - my word, they are causing concern
By their frequent meetings which an end seem to spurn.
There's Johnny, the labourer who works in the bonds
When we mention a cereal, the other responds
And the third is a lady enshrouded in green
And there near the fountain she always is seen.
The trio in session are striking to watch
Two men and a woman are hardly a match
Whatever their topic, 'tis plain to be seen
By their actions, and gestures it's business they mean.
For the sake of the reader I must hurry on
Contribute my effort and quickly be gone
But, before I write finis, I wish to appeal
And counsel the trio to finish the deal,
And if in the future, they wish to confer
Perhaps they could have it in secret somewhere
And ease the suspicion, their meeting creates
At the fount of the "G" Shop so near to the gates.

From One Gauger to Another

C  "Hullo Aggie"
A  "Hi Cassie"
C  "Where was ye this coupla days?"
A  "Ah wuz out bad. Ah had the cowl, and ah had to stay in the house"
C  "That kep' ye down all right"
A  "It did not indeed. Ah got all me Christmas cleanin' done"
C  "Man ye weren't idle then. If I had a been out ye'd a got me in the Ritz or somewhere"
A  "That wudn't a cured yer cowl for ye"
C  "Oh Aye, it wud if ye had a been sitten beside somebody nice and warm an leanin' yer head on his shoulder"
A  "Cassie dear, yer daft. Imagine curin' a cowl by leanin' yer head agin somebody! Such a notion!"
C  "Oh Aggie we wor at the Fortune Tellers!"
A  "When?"
C  "The other day. Thomasina an Bernie an Tessie and me"
A  "Ye might 'a toul' us"
C  "Sure ye wos out bad"
A  "Where did yiz go?"
C  "Oh to some oul' lady. She tossed wir cups for us"
A  "What did she tell ye Cassie?"
C  "Ach we had the best laugh. I wuz first. She toul' me about a tall dark man in uniform, an' she said ah'd git nasty news from over the water"
A  "Did she say nathin' about that Yank ye wor ravin' about?"
C  "Well she did an' she didn't. She said that there wuz trouble for some small man, an' the trouble was over a woman a long journey away"
A  "Huh. Ah suppose that's his wife waitin' on him to come back"
C  "Ah toul ye Aggie, he wuzn't married"
A  "That's what he says. Ah wudn't believe anything' a Yank wud swear to me on his bended knees. What else did she say?"
C  "She turned up a disappointment for a person I know with "A" in the name"
A  "Suffern cats ad Joe let me down last night. That was sure anyway. What did she tell Eva?"
C  "Oh Eva was to have a big surprise an' there wuz some stranger to come into her life who wud make all the difference"
A  "Did she know that Eva's married?"
C  "She mustn't have. Anyway Eva wuz to be crying' her eyes out wi' joy before long"
A  "How about Bernie an' Tessie?"
C  "Oh Bernie an' Tessie are in for a gran' time. Bernie's goin' to a place of amusement with somebody under the crown"
A  "That's  be that peeler she had a notion of. What did she tell Tessie?"
C  "She toul' Tessie that she'd have a lightnin' romance. That she'd fall for somebody an' be married inside a three, maybe before Christmas"
A  "Dear help yer man takes Tessie in a hurry"
C  "You're tellin' me! Why don't you go Aggie?"
A  "My fortune's toul' Cassie. When I have Joe beside me, ah don't need no Fortune Teller. But ah'll go some day for the laugh"
C  "Luk, Aggie they're all washin' their hans"
A  "Aye, the hooter'll be goin' shortly. See ye later Cassie"
C  "O.K. Aggie"

(1) Miss S. Johnston (W.O. Dept.)   (2) Miss Eileen Thompson (Steel Sleeves)   (3) Miss Gordon (Steel Sleeves)   (4) Foreman "Harry" Tedford (G. Shop)
(5) Mr. Jack Forde (W.I.D.) (A.C. 1)   (6) Foreman "Bob" Braidner (H.T.)   (7) Foreman "Tommy" Alison (T. Debt.)   (8) Miss Agnes Weir (Steel Sleeves)
(9) Miss Laura Buchanan (Steel Sleeves)   (10) Miss Nan Herron (A.C. 1 Inspection)   (11) Foreman "Jack" Clarke (C/S Dept.)   (12) Foreman "Andy" Couser (Heavy M.C. Shop)
(13) Foreman "Bob" Greer (Pattern Shop)   (14) Foreman H. McClintock (A.R. 3)   (15) Foreman G. Jameson (Foreman Tinsmith)   (16) Miss Muriel Whitley (U/C)
(17) Mrs. Jeannette Dillon (A.C. 1)   (18) Foreman "Fred" Foster (A.P. 4)   (19) Foreman "Harry" Campbell (H.T. Dept.)   (20) Miss Hamilton (A.P. 4)
(21) Miss Campbell (S.H. 1)   (22) Mrs. Jane Walker (C/S Dept.)
Our Womens' Own Feature Page
Gather Round Girls!
Edited by Miss M. Smyth

     Hello girls,     This is the Christmas season and although it is not at all like the Christmas we would wish in the line of display and presents, still we can keep the spirit of Christmas alive by putting up with our hardships with good grace and taking the rough with the smooth.  This year we may be short of the traditional Christmas fare but we can have a jolly good time for all that and the "make do's" will certainly go a long way to fill the cavity caused by the shortage of Turkey and Roast Meat.
     Presents, too, are scarce, but this difficulty can be overcome if we stick to leather goods such as, pocket books, shaving kits, diaries, purses and the like, because coupons are just about on their last legs and February is still a long way off.
     You will notice Mr. Dossor's letter in this issue.  Are you going to let him away with all that?
     I think Bob is in for a rough time, and I am looking forward to Mackie's girls trouncing him good and hard.
     With best wishes for a Happy Christmas.  Cheerio.       The Editress

Your Crowning Glory

     Munition work is apt to make the hair dull and lifeless, due to the fact that the oil and dust in the atmosphere dulls the natural lustre and takes away the sheen from really well groomed hair.  To counteract the dirt and grease, the hair should be washed frequently.  Use a shampoo jelly made from white Castile soap.  Wash carefully twice and keep rinsing until you are sure every scrap of soap is cleared away.  Brush the hair thoroughly using a stiff bristled brush, or two if you can manage them.  Take a brush in each hand and give stroke about.  Brush up as well as down and keep it up until the scalp tingles.  If you wish to use a hair tonic or massage, now is the time.  Use a spirit tonic or Vaseline, and rub it well into the scalp.  Brushing and massage improve curls and waves.  East green vegetables in the form of salads, and don't forget to brush the hair thoroughly and often if you want strong beautiful lustrous waves and curls.  Lastly when at work keep the hair well tucked in.  This keeps hair from the arch enemy of sheen and lustre - oil and dirt.

Odds and Ends

     Beautiful quilts can be made from odd scraps of wool.  I am sure there are plenty of odd scraps of wool lying in most houses and if workers do not need them all wool scraps will be gratefully received by Mrs. Clarke of the Welfare Office who knits the quilts and sends them off to our boys who are Prisoners of War;  they gratefully appreciate the warmth of the quilts on cold nights, as they are scarce of blankets in the Prison Camps.
     So now you know what the wool scraps are for, and next evening you have time to spare, spend an hour rooting out all old pieces of wool or knitted material, ripped or upripped.  They can all be utilised for a very worthy object.  At the Women's Welfare Meeting I was pleased to hear the Committee Promising to save a little sugar each week and for making into sweets for those in hospital at Xmas time.  If you know of any of our employees, both men and women, in any of the hospitals round Xmas time, please hand names into Welfare Department.
     Workers are wondering when they are going to get their Supplementary Clothing Coupons.  Well, the clothing coupons have not, as yet, been issued to any firms and they will be distributed as soon as they come to hand.  Wolfhill are getting along splendidly with their Physical Training class under Instructor Amphlett.  The class meets each Monday evening, as does the G.T.C. Class in the Main Factory.  The G.T.C. have three of their own members who have been specially trained as instructors.  They are Sgt. V. Creighton, L.C. B. Dowie, and cadet M. Moutry.  The G.T.C. Choir, under the Conductorship of Mr. R. Gracey are practising Carol Singing and will be later heard in the Canteen.

Hands Are To The Fore Again

     Workers in various departments, as, for instance C/S, Gridley hands, etc., are subject to rashes on the hands and arms, and these workers can obtain from the First Aid a cream which cures.  Many do not know how to use the cream correctly and if the cream is to be used the following directions should be closely observed.
     First wash hands well and dry thoroughly.  Then rub on about half a teaspoonful of cream. The cream is for protective purposes and should be renewed each time the hands are washed.  Some workers are foolish enough to use the cream for a foundation for cosmetics.  This practise should be stopped at once as the cream serves no purpose other than the one for which it is intended and may only spoil rather than increase your beauty.

In The Home

     For a change this month we give you some recipes for Christmas sweets, and for a start we have a jelly made from lemonade and gelatine powder.
   1. One Large Bottle Mineral Waters.  Orange or red colour is best.
   2. Sugar to taste.
   3. Two Tablespoonfuls Gelatine Powder (Obtainable at most chemists)
     METHOD. Bring mineral water just to boiling point.  Mix together sugar and gelatine powder and pour into the water as it is just on the boil, stirring all the time.  Let boil for about five minutes stirring constantly.  Pour into a wet mould and leave to set.

Wartime Sandwich, Without Magazine

     6 Tablespoons Flour
     3 Tablespoons Sugar
     3 Tablespoons Dried Eggs
     3 Teaspoons Baking Powder
     Teaspoon Salt
     1 Cup Milk
     METHOD. Mix flour, sugar and salt.  Reconstitute dried eggs and add to dry ingredients. Beat well and add Baking Powder, then milk.  Bake in moderate oven 15-20 minutes slowly in greased sandwich tins.  When cool add filling Jam, when cool fill with Jam, Chocolate Spread or Cream.

Sandwich (With Margarine)

     3 ozs. Margarine
     5 ozs. Flour
     3 ozs Sugar
     3 Tablespoons Dried Eggs
     3 Teaspoons Baking Powder
     Little Milk
     METHOD. Beat Margarine and Sugar. Reconstitute dried eggs and add slowly.  Beat Well.  Then add flour slowly and beat till smooth.  Pour in a little milk at time and add Baking Powder.  Pour into 2 sandwich tins and bake 15-20 minutes.

Sago Pudding

     3 Dessertspoons Fine Sago
     1 Cup Milk
     1 Cup Fruit
     Cup Sugar
     2 Cups Breadcrumbs
     1 Teaspoonful Baking Soda
     Piece Margarine
     METHOD. Steep Sago and milk overnight; rub marg. into breadcrumbs, add this and other ingredients to milk and sago. Mix well and steam for two hours.

Jam Puffs

     2 Cups Flour
     3 ozs Margarine
     1 oz Lard
     METHOD. Mix 2 ozs Marg., lard and flour with water.  Roll out " thick and spread remainder of marg. thinly over and repeat.  Bake in hot oven for 15 minutes.  Cut into fancy shapes and put teaspoon jam on each.

The Doctor Says

     STOMACH TROUBLES.   Shift workers are frequently annoyed by stomach trouble, and stomach troubles and their prevention will be the main features of this month's remarks.  Night work upsets the stomach more than the other two shifts, but the change over from one shift to another affects innumerable people.
     Indigestion is the most common stomach complaint, and it makes its presence felt in a variety of ways.  In fact, a bad attack of indigestion often causes the sufferer to imagine they have all kinds of complications, whereas attention given to the stomach when the discomfort is first felt would save a lot of worry and trouble.
     The first signs of indigestion is usually a pain after eating.  The pain is in the stomach, but sometimes it feels as though it were at the heart or lungs.  The murmurings and rumbles can be felt, and these, too, are sometimes not without pain.  A burning heat comes into the stomach, occasionally this goes right up into the throat, and sometimes mouthfuls of hot acid or "water brash" are brought up.
     This condition persists for a period and then the stomach settles down, only to erupt again when another meal goes down.  Food cannot be enjoyed, the whole system gets knocked "out of order" and the worker becomes depressed and nervous if things are allowed to continue. The stomach is an organ which does a very big job of work in an unobtrusive way.  It is the main dispersal centre of the system.  All food is treated as fuel, and it is the stomach's job to make that fuel suitable to the needs of the body.  The body must be able to absorb the fuel and put it into use right away, otherwise the body will deteriorate and be unable to cope with the demands made on it in every day life.
     Food or fuel has to be broken down into a workable condition and this process or "digestion" as it is called commences when the food is being chewed.  Here is the first place to start to avoiding indigestion.  If food is chewed properly the stomach will have no lumps to contend with and can get on with its job much more efficiently.  Chew everything thoroughly and take your time over your food.  Bolted meals only hinder the digestion.  A disordered stomach means a disordered body.  The best way to keep the system in order is to eat the right food, and eat it at regular intervals, and this is just the problem of the shift worker, and the problem which all would like to see solved.
     Light easily digested foods are just as useful as heavy foods; therefore at any change over light foods should be taken until the system becomes settled.  Milk and Milk foods, cereals, etc., should be taken for a day or so.  And taken at regular intervals.  Get out a time table for meals and stick to it, because long fasts leave the stomach empty, wind gathers, gastric acid gathers, and when food does go down the dispersal centre cannot function smoothly and off we go with an attack of indigestion, biliousness or acidity any of which upset the system still more and make it harder for the stomach to do its work.  Take a light meal going to bed, because when you are resting the system is not using up any energy, take a light substantial meal on getting up; make sure of a good meal at break-time and when you go home take a good hot meal.  Take it slowly and enjoy your food.  A good tea from four till five hours later and a light supper should complete the day.
     Night shift workers may find a light snack before going to bed, a good meal on getting up, and a further good meal before starting work, helpful.  Two till ten workers should partake of a good dinner before starting off for work.  A good tea and light supper with a medium breakfast would be the best plan.  But remember this: irregular meals and habits are the chief enemies of a smooth running system, so play up to your system if you want to keep in good health and spirits.  To sum up: Be regular in your habits of work, food and sleep.  Allow four or five hours between each meal.  Watch what you eat, and choose only those foods which agree with you, for one man's meat you know is another man's poison.
     Note: If an attack of indigestion comes on whilst at work take a trip to the First-Aid where something can be obtained which will alleviate it, or carry some baking soda and take a small quantity.  Magnesia is also very efficient in relieving indigestion.

This Time it's About Caps

     At a meeting of the Women's Welfare Committee held recently a long time was spent in a serious discussion on the wearing of caps.  Recently there has been a number of accidents due to carelessness and negligence on the part of Operators.  They did not wear their caps properly, hence the accidents.
     A few words about the worker and her cap may not be out of place.  The reason why each worker is given a cap on starting is because the Firm is bound by law to issue protective clothing to all it's employees, and the employee is bound by Law to wear the clothing, otherwise no claims in respect accidents can be entertained.
     The cap must be worn in such a manner as to cover the hair completely, otherwise it fails to protect.  Therefore the worker in her own interests, should see to it that there are no stray hairs, etc., coming from below the cap.  By supplying caps and warning Operators, by poster or otherwise, of the danger of not wearing caps or of wearing them improperly, the firm has fulfilled it's obligation, and having done so the responsibility then rests solely with the Operator herself.  Should any accident occur whilst the worker is capless no claim for accidents can be entertained.
     Wearing the cap on the back of the head and allowing an aura of curls or sweeps or swirls to show is not only foolish but criminally dangerous and this can be construed as an effort to flout the law and disciplinary action can be taken against these offenders.  Many girls will argue that they don't work dangerous machines, therefore they have no need for protection.  That may be so but there is still a legal obligation if you are employed in any room in which there is machinery or when you may have to walk through another department where machines are installed.  Girls who do work on dangerous machines will show their hair if everybody else is doing likewise.  If everybody kept their hair covered there would be no accidents for girls on dangerous jobs would not be tempted.  Remember wearing the cap properly is a legal obligation and workers are bound to observe it as they are bound to observe the rest of the laws which are passed by Parliament.


Two Gaugers - We note your remarks about the crush and push around the Canteen snack bar at break-time and have checked up with canteens that do have as you suggest - barriers.  The awkward point is that the barriers do slow down service very much indeed, so much so that it would take three times as long as it does now to serve everyone.  In addition the erection of barriers would cut down the already limited space.  After all, the make workers have exactly the same problems to cope with, and they seem to have done it effectively, by lining up in an orderly fashion.  It doesn't take them so long, and they all get served.  Try lining up; and taking a firm hand with the few selfish people who upset the arrangements.  You are many, they are few.
Reply to P.G. - Yes; The Nursery School is still functioning, but as it is only open from 7.45 a.m. till 6.30 p.m. it does not suit Munition Workers on shifts; it is being used by Mill and Factory workers whose working hours fit in with the school hours.  The School should certainly be open the 24 hours to give all shift workers a chance to have their children looked after.  The matter will be passed along.


Dear Editress... You have asked me to state for the benefit of Mackie's girls, what kind of wife I would like.  I know there are lots of girls in the firm and you must think me hard to please, but the fact is I have been keeping my eyes open, but those I have seen so far have as much idea of being a wife as I have of deep sea diving.  Modern girls are just beyond me and I must give them up as hopeless.  When it comes to what is expected of them in the married state, I know a number of fellows agree with me in this and would much rather go wifeless than go through life with some of the "dames" they see.  What then, do I want?
     The first attribute of any wife should be unselfishness!  Being unselfish and agreeable myself I would just hate to come in to petulance and fits of temper over some silly whim on the part of my better (?) half.  People who think only of themselves should never marry as they cause trouble.  An unselfish wife is usually a good manager as she thinks of everybody and plans the budget accordingly.
    Good temper and a sense of humour are what I want in my wife, and, the ability to make intelligent conversation.  I don't like to see a "made-up" girl with a codlike expression endlessly chewing gum and listening to some profound truth, then telling me a few minutes later that she didn't know what I was talking about and wasn't listening anyway; and besides she'd rather have Bing Crosby or Bob Hope.
     And that brings me to another thing - "Make-up."  Ye Gods, girls, why do you try it? All the clowns, pierrots, and stage ghosts who ever lived would throw a fit if they saw some of you.  And you go from one extreme to the other.  One girl looks like an animated wax model and the next like someone hotly flushed with drinking or something.  You have the effrontery then to tell us that "make-up" improves your looks.  Take a tip from Bob.  If you really want a sensible husband, wash off the paint.  You look marvellous without it.  And just a tip, if you insist on using powder or rouge, just a dab with do.  We don't want our girl friends walking around like the impersonation of an Autumn sunset.  I want my wife to be sensible and plain, for I don't like artificial beauty applied as our modern misses apply it.
     And I don't want my wife wearing slacks!  Heavens, what a sight slacks look on some girls.  They are all right if you suit them, but, girls, they're darned ugly if you've a prominent stern.  If you want a husband you'll stick to skirts with nicely shaped calves showing naturally below them.  Then men will fall for you and not run away.
     You know the type of girl I want now, don't you?  Plain, sensible, and intelligent, able to take a joke and make one and able to enjoy life without any nonsensical frills.  That's the girl for me and if you know her send her along.
     With many thanks for allowing me space.           BOB DOSSOR.

No. 3 Platoon, "B" Company.  Winners of Platoon Drill Cup, 1942;  Platoon Rifle Cup, 1943;  Section Rifle Cup;  and Section Machine Gun Cup, 1943

"B" Company 5th Battalion Ulster Home Guard

     The latest members to join up, are W. J. Smyth and W. Hamilton (No. 3 Platoon).  They have both chosen the Royal Navy.  Good Luck, and a smooth passage, boys!  A .22 shooting competition was arranged by Vol. B. Cathcart "C" Company and Sergt. J. Smyth and H. Tedford "B" Coys. between the No. 3 Platoons of the respective Coys.  It resulted in a very narrow victory for "B" Coy. by a single point in 309-308.  "C" Coy. was captained by Lt. C. Crothers and "B" Coy. by Lt. P. Garratt.  The shoot was most enjoyable and it is hoped that a return match will be arranged in the near future when o more decisive result for one of the Platoons would result.  The boys are high in their praises of their reception by "C" Coy.
     A welcome visitor in the person of Dan Spence, late Sergt. of No. 3 Platoon and now a fully trained member of the Navy (Combined Operations).  He certainly looked fighting fit and is a fine advertisement for Naval Training.  The first film show organised by the O.C. in the pavilion was a great success, the sound films being both highly instructive and entertaining.  It is hoped to make the films a regular feature of the Home Guard Training.
     Lt. S. Spence (No. 1) Corporals R. Craig and J. McClean (No. 3) are representing the Coy. in a Belfast area H.G. .22 Competition.  New recruits during the month were J. Shields (Tool Room), J. Orchin (Roving Erection), G. Lyons (Tinsmiths), H. Hughes (A/C M/C) to No. 3 Platoon T. Moore (A/C Plant Maintenance) to Sub-Artillery and J. Wishart C/S.

The Honer's Lament

One day I chanced to stray into the Transit Shed
I got a fright and saw a sight, I'm sure my poor heard bled
For a medley of discord rent the air
And I could only stand and stare
It's a machine wants oiling, or am I wrong?
But 'twas the Honer in Full Song
In the middle of "Alice where art Thou?"
The Honer lost a couple of Thou"
On hands and knees he crawled around
His search it was in vain
He couldn't find the missing Thou's
He only found a pain
"Ha, ha," cried Bill, the Foreman
"You're looking very meek
Confide in me dear Honer
What is it that you seek?"
George straightened up with grunts and groans
And on the Forman's shoulder wept
"I've lost a couple of Thou's, he moaned
I can't think where they went"
Said Bill, "They can't be far away
Let me help you in your search"
Said George, "It's like a needle in the hay"
As he got down from his perch
Inspector Sam came along with his majestic tread
Trouble on the Honer's brow he very quickly read;
"Blimey, Sam!" said George at last
"Here's something I can't unravel
I lost a couple of blinking Thou's
And Thou's you know can't travel"
"But George" says Sam, "There's plenty more
Why don't you get some from the Store?"
Sam got no thanks, as you see, for all his helpful rushing
The things the Honer said to him, had them all a-blushing
For George from London town does come
I think I must relate
I believe he finished his education
In far off Billingsgate
As they went away the Honer cried
"I hope I live to see Sam fried
These blinking Cylinders, they have me crazy
What they are for, I'm only hazy
But if Honing 'em helps to win this war
Then all I say is send me more
I only hope I don't go 'nuts'
Like Hitler and his crowd of 'Mutts'
So now then, Alice, where art thou
Help me mind that couple of Thou's.

One Night of Love

O'Connor has a favourite tune
To others it is funny
All day long he'd sit and croon
"Put your arms around me honey"

So one night he was working late
His mind was quite distracted
So off he went to find a mate
And found he was elected

He got as far as "Hold me tight"
Then Bennie got a shock
For Norman Hill stood in her sight
And of them made a mock

"Your names" he said in accents loud
To our lovers in dark despair
His presence has settled like a cloud
They wondered how they'd fare

Now Joe has got another tune
And still we are amused
"Never no more" he'll sit and moon
And hope they'll be excused

Tempus Fugit

Joe Murphy was a bright young lad of eighteen years of age
But now methinks he's got a fad, he thinks he is a sage
Now this young lad of tender years has taken to the pipe
And as we watch we have our fears that he will have the gripe
For Joe, though young, thinks he is old in mind if not in years
That "put on" manner so stern and bold reduces us to tears
So, now, Young Joe, please be yourself, but do not stroke your head
We're all afraid you'll get a splinter if everything's true that's said.

The Inspector's Lament

An Inspector's life is full of woe
And he's often told just where to go
As he travels around doing his best
To see that the work will pass the test
He gets himself into many a row
Through scrapping a job for umpteen thou'
He really doesn't know what to do
To please the many or please the few
If the threads are right the diameter is wrong
And the operator's language is strong
As he urges "don't be a silly ass"
Do let the so-and-so object pass"
"What does it matter," he'll tell you again
"It's only for an aeroplane"
He won't be in it, he doesn't care
If the plane should never take the air
All he wants is to get in his day
Waiting for Friday to draw his pay.


     There is enough grazing in a field to feed 40 cows for 20 days or 30 cows for 30 days.  For how many days would the field graze 20 cows allowing for the grass growing while the cows graze.

     Two ladders are resting against parallel walls.  One ladder is 20 ft. long, the other 30 ft. long.  From the point of intersection to the ground is a distance of 12 ft.  Find the distance separating the walls.

Woodvale Wanderings

     Congratulations to Miss M. Melville of Woodvale Insp. on her engagement to Mr. B. Mehafey.  Did she need to go to Short & Harlands?
     Who is the typist in the Mods. Dept., who does not know her own address?  Is that a fact, Joan, or are you too much taken up with telling Ginger Campbell that it takes 40 minutes to walk from the Factory gate to the tram stop?  If that is so, Joan, how long does it take you to get to the Lover's Lane?
     We would like to know what big attraction a certain young Larne man finds in the A1500 store.  Maybe you could tell us, Kathleen?
     Who is the Inspector in Woodvale, who, when on nightshift, can't sleep in bed thinking of his girl at the mercy of the Wolves in Woodvale?
     What is the attraction in the Raw Material Store, that Susan works in three nights a week.
     We are all wondering why a certain young fitter from Floor Dept., suddenly changed his ideas about wearing a collar and tie - maybe May was the cause of the change.  What say, 'galloper'?
Nora and Johnny, did you not know that you are allowed to marry in this Country;  but I think Mickey would have a say in the matter
     Maurice, what is the attraction up in 1200 store.  Maybe you could tell us, Annie?
     Why is No. 10 Store in Woodvale called Funland?  Is it because of the doings of Larry (Donald) Duck, Mickey Mouse, Little Tommy Tucker, Wee Willie Winkie and Bobs-your-Uncle?  Please tell us, we are in Ernest.
     Who is the outside right of Woodvale F.C. who is breaking his heart over Jean out of P.O.  Take courage, Gerry.  Faint Heart never won Fair Lady.
     Any information regarding Paradise Isle will be gratefully received by the Inspection Department.
     Billy, we advise you not to take your Pacific Cruise just yet, you might get torpedoed.
     Who is the heartless young "fitter" who kept the nice young "rivetter" standing at Woolworth's for over thirty five minutes, and what was his reason for such a dirty action.  Pay no heed to what your mates say, Bobby, and make it up with her, for even though she may be a bit small and quiet, she is perhaps worth a whole squad of fitters and riveters combined.
     Warning.  All escaped convicts please be on the look-out for we hear that Thomas Vaughan of the Floor Squad is shortly to become a member of the Police Force.

Albert Foundry Welfare and Recreation Association

Sports Spotlight

     Last month the Club had not quite so many polo matches as usual, and were unlucky enough to lode 1-0 to Neptune Minors on the 22nd, and 2-1 to Clonard Juniors on the 15th.  On the 2nd we were lucky enough to have Mr. Lenfesty (spring board diving champion) practising with us.  A number of club members formed themselves into an impromptu class to find out how to dive.  We don't see our Dispersal "L" contingent at the baths so regularly now.  Another regular not now with us is "Nat" Adams - who has an excuse - he's engaged to Miss M. Shaw.
     The Club are very pleased to know that "Dick" Geddis, the popular Treasurer of the Club is now out of hospital and is convalescing.  Martin Cleeland is deputising in his absence.

(There are Hockey Club match results, anyone wanting a copy can email me, only 3 names mentioned in them Barnes for Down, Palmer and Campbell for Short & Harlands)

     The Club are promoting a Midnight Matinee in the Forum Cinema, Ardoyne, on 31st December, Tickets 2s. 6d. each.  This will be a good night's amusement so make sure to get your ticket from a Club Member.

Harriers Club

     In the McConnell Shield Cross-Country Inter-team Race (5 miles) at Ballyclare on Saturday, 4th Dec., Albert Foundry were represented by the following runners:- S. Crothers, C. Kane, S. McCluskey, S. McAllister, D. Mitchell, E. Mawhinney, J. martin, A. McClements, F. Gilliland, A. McLeod, G. Johnston, and J. Stewart.

     There was an entry of 16 Teams comprising about 200 runners and six men out of one Club must finish to form a team.

     Hearty congratulations to the following who got the Foundry Team into 5th place:- C. Kane, 16 ; S. Crothers, 20 ; E. Mawhinney, 25 ; A. McLeod, 33 ; S. McCluskey, 35  J. Martin, 54 ; total ; 183 points, thus beating many of the long established Clubs.  A special word of praise is also due to E. Anderson, the Foundry Team Captain, to whose untiring energy and interest much of the Club's success is due.

     Members of the Albert Foundry Club, as well as all others in the Team who are interested, should note that the Annual Club Cross Country Handicap Race (4 miles) will be run on Christmas morning at 10.30 a.m.  in the fields facing Hutments on the West Circular Road.

X Press Delivery

X was again on the prowl this month, this time played by Mrs. Clarke, Lady Superintendent. Lucky winners were:-
Miss Graham  (A.P. 4)
Miss MacNeice  (A.C. 1)
Mr. Syers  (Iron Foundry)
Mr. McBride  (D.O.)
Miss Ward  (Government Bench)
Miss Brown  (G. Shop)
Mr. Napier  (C.C. Shop)
Mr. S. Allen  (Secy's Office)
Miss McCartney  (A.P. Bond)
Mr. A. Bell  (M/C Shop)
Lisburn - Miss E. McKeown

     For this Christmas Number we are giving away free tickets to Dublin for the 24th December, 5.43 train, so watch carefully for the lucky Magazine.  Yu will be told what to look for by the posters around the Works.


There's a Shop called the Toolroom, it's very well known in this firm
And the person who runs it can certainly make the men squirm
Although he is quiet, generous and kind to slack at your work means the bureau you'll find
And then there is Eddie the Draughtsman of course
He is really quite quiet and works like a horse
The 'phone it off' rings for Jimmy we hear
But the words that come through are alas Beer, Beer, Beer
For it seems some poor sap with his 2 has parted
To make all the Foremen in Mackie's lighthearted
Then at 5.30 sharp you shall see them all stroll
And for a few hours later I fear the words roll.